Getting Personal With Justin Bond

Multitalented androgyne Justin Bond has toured the globe, appeared in John Cameron Mitchell's Shortbus, released his debut CD, Pink Slip and sold out Carnegie Hall with Kenny Mellman as the deranged cabaret duo Kiki & Herb. Of course the eternally fresh 46-year-old was practically born for the business of show. "My first performance was in the church Christmas pageant when I was 18 months old," Bond reveals. "[I sang,] 'I can wish you, though I'm small, Merry Christmas one and all.'" We lit some incense and got Bond to answer our prayers.

Choose One: Pisces, Aries, Libra or Virgo

I've got to find me a Libra man!

What's your favorite thing to do when it's raining?

Smoke opium and sit on a porch swing.

What's your pet peeve?

People who text me for tickets to my show an hour before I go onstage.

Who's your celebrity crush?

I could get into a three-way with Johnny Depp and Patti Smith!

What's your recipe for curing the blues?

Hot sex with my lesbian lover usually puts a smile on my lips.

What's your quilty pleasure?

Chex Mix. It's embarrassing how much I love that shit.

If you could change one thing about New York, what would it be?

I would never have to leave in order to pay my bills. Touring is fun, but I like it here most of all.

Choose One: Judy Garland, Edith Piaf, Billie Holiday, or Janis Joplin

Judy's movies, Billie's records, Janis' drugs, �dith's eyebrows.

What's your weakness?

Shoes and handbags. Buy me the right purse, a pair of shoes and you can have pretty much anything you want.

Choose One: Letter, Text, E-mail or Phone

Letter - Preferably delivered by pigeons with no response required.

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Justin Bond performs on April 4, 18, 25 and May 9 at 9:30pm at Joe's Pub (425 Lafayette St, 212-967-7555). Visit JustinBond.com for more info.