Parents want to send gay son to reparative therapy

Dear Phyllis,

I did not come out to my parents before I moved to California. My parents are very religious people who live in a small town in the Midwest. Last week someone outed me to my parents. They went ballistic. Now my parents insist that I go through reparative therapy or they will disown me. I love my parents but I don't want to go through reparative therapy. What should I do?

Tyler

Dear Tyler,

No one should be forced to attempt to change their sexual orientation. Reparative therapy is based on the assumption that homosexuality is a mental disorder, and that individuals can change their homosexual orientation. The American Psychiatric Association disagrees and states that "homosexuality is a positive variation of human sexuality. It is not a mental disorder." Reparative therapists would have you believe that inside every gay person there is a straight person screaming to get out. In 2001, the United States Surgeon General issued a report stating that "there is no valid scientific evidence that sexual orientation can be changed." Mainstream medical and scientific organizations have expressed concern over reparative therapy and have discouraged its use.

Reparative therapy can be very harmful. It exploits guilt and anxiety and damages self-esteem. It may lead to depression and suicide. Perhaps you can find a clergy person of your parent's faith who is understanding and sensitive to your situation who will speak with your parents. Maybe it will help mom and dad soften in their attitude toward you. Also, there are LGBT organizations within the different faiths that can be a resource for you such as Dignity, Kinship, A Common Bond, and Affirmation among others. You can Google to find the appropriate organization for your faith.

I hope that truth and love will ultimately prevail and that your parents will become more accepting of who you are.

Good luck,

Phyllis