My Own Gay Bashing & Why They Do It

As reported here, last week there was another savage attack upon a gay man walking home in Greenwich Village, an affluent part of Manhattan where many gay men and women call home. This young man is now posting his beaten face on the Internet for all to see, because he wants everyone to know what happened to him with hopes that his appearance will motivate the public to help catch his attackers.

I applaud this young man for his actions but I am also saddened to see that the hate towards gay men continues to continue, even in a supposedly safe haven as Greenwich Village and New York City in general.

This latest attack happened in front of McDonald's off Sixth Avenue and Bleeker Street, a very busy area with lots of tourists and residents. So where were the witnesses? Did people ignore the attack or were simply too fearful of getting involved? At least there were surveillance cameras in the area which did videotape the attack? But how often do the police find these young thugs; not very often. [Updated: There has been at least one arrest made in the case.]

But of equal importance, why do these hateful, supposedly "straight" men, feel impelled into attacking a gay man for no other reason other than being gay? Where does all this hate toward gay men come from? What stimulates this rage toward gay men and women that makes these thugs to emotionally and then physically abuse strangers simply because of perceived sexual orientation?

The type of hate which causes supposedly "straight" men to attack other men may simply be a result of their own suppressed sexuality -- their own gay shame. But while gay shame can result with many men hiding their true sexual identity from others by living double lives, this form of gay shame results in perpetrating physical violence toward others like themselves; a truth they simply refuse to see.

This shame is based on the fear of having the truth the attacker's sexual identity being revealed so instead of acting out on his sexual impulses, he attacks the one who embodies the hateful self he refuses to recognize within? But to compound the situation, the one who hates gays finds others like himself and together, their actions often lead to gang violence against gays -- in effect, a mob mentality.

Hatred and persecution toward homosexuals has existed for centuries. We not only suffered physical beatings but were also hanged, imprisoned, lobotomized, and even being burned at the stake; a punishmen; in fact, a possible origin of the word "faggot," meaning burning stick.

AS recounted in ancient folklore, when witches were being burned at the stake during medieval times, men accused of immoral activities (homosexuals) were told to gather the sticks used for their own burning, and when they ran out of sticks, they were thrown directly into the fire to keep the flames going. Some dispute this historical reference of "faggot," but I tend to believe its validity since this type of savage hatred toward gays I have personally experienced.

Some 30 years ago, my lover and I were enjoying a day at the "gay section" of a beach in Santa Monica, California. As we were tanning ourselves and jumping in the waves, a commotion was occurring on the beach. A gang of young surfer boys were harassing a gay guy on the beach. But to these youths surprise, a group of gay men and women congregated quickly, including my boyfriend and me, and they were forced off the beach.

Unfortunately for us, these boys were waiting for gays to exit the beach from the underground tunnel that allowed beachgoers to walk below the highway to the businesses and parking area across the street. My boyfriend and I were the first to leave that day and we were soon confronted by this gang of boys. Within minutes we were embroiled in a physical altercation which we were winning due to our strength and own rage at being assaulted simply because for who we are.

What was most memorable of that horrible day was not only the savagery of the attack against us but, the literal foaming of the mouth I witnessed with several of the young men attacking us. Also, for one brief moment, the fighting stopped and two boys in the gang were actually asking us questions about our relationship and sexual history; shocked to hear that I once had girlfriends with whom I was at one time, romantic. It was if they couldn't believe that gay men could be sexual with both men and women? I realized that I was actually educating these thugs in the middle of a bias attack
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Sadly, it is now very easy for me to comprehend why men who struggle with their sexual identity will transfer their own gay shame toward others they view as inferior to themselves but in truth, they are the ones who feel inferior. But instead of hurting themselves, which they ironically are still doing, they choose to physically, emotionally, and mentally hurt those who embody their own self hate and gay shame.

As we have heard so often, love and hate are really not that different from one another since both emotions have a wild intensity within them that often causes us to often act in irrational ways. We may die for love as did Romeo and Juliet but, we can also sadly die from love as a result of those who seek to harm us for loving our own sex. In fact, according to recent statistics from the New York Gay and Lesbian Anti-Violence Report, "75 percent of those who commit violence against gays are under age 30. One in three is under 18, and most violence occurs in our nation's schools."

So, where is the love? Well, if these facts are any indication of trends within today's youth, then my answer is sadly, not within our lifetimes.

Dr. Vince Pellegrino has PhDs in educational theater and drama therapy from New York University and is a board-certified psychotherapist in New York City and Connecticut. He teaches communications at Hofstra University. He is currently working on a book, Gay Communication Game, about "Gayspeak"; an interactive TV program featuring real-time therapy sessions is in development. Go to his website for more information.