Online, NY Marriage Debate Gets Nasty

When voters narrowly passed Proposition 8 in California in 2008, stripping away the then-existing right of gay and lesbian families to wed after a bitterly divisive campaign, some of that bitterness instantly found its way online -- and anti-gay pundits instantly found it, quoted it, and held it up as an example of what they attempted to pass off as typical of how gays think and behave. There were claims of "intimidation" and calls for law enforcement to investigate.

Flaming in online messages is as old a problem as the Internet itself, a behavior not unlike road rage, in which normally polite people can unleash their demons in instantly disseminated, highly vitriolic -- and nominally anonymous -- comments. Anything can provoke a flaming, of course, but highly charged social questions -- especially the ones that take place at the meeting point of civil rights and religious beliefs that demonize certain groups -- can lead to especially high emotions, and the level of flaming can ratchet up correspondingly.

Such appears to be the case as lawmakers in New York draw out their deliberations on marriage equality to a nerve-shattering degree.

The legislative session was supposed to end June 20, but the marriage issue -- together with a handful of other matters, such as a cap on property taxes -- kept lawmakers past that deadline. As each extra day passes, observers on both sides of the question grow more tense, and emotions more raw.

Both sides see the issue as of crucial importance, and the longer the deliberations continue, the more deeply invested observers become. For opponents of marriage equality for same-sex families, a nebulous fear that married gays will somehow erode the relationships of heterosexual spouses and "turn" their children queer intensifies; the fears do not gain substance or specificity as religious leaders and other high-profile anti-gay individuals issue their warnings, but the sense of anxiety that somehow, through some sympathetic magic, gays will "destroy the family" only becomes stronger.

For same-sex couples and their supporters -- some of whom have waited years, if not decades, for recognition, many of whom are simply fed up with any sort of legal inequality -- each passing day heightens fears that their hopes will once again be dashed... and feeds hopes that New York, a populous state, will singlehandedly double the number of Americans who live in marriage equality states overnight. Such an outcome would be a huge victory, psychologically at least, for the country's gays, who are rapidly gaining greater acceptance, but who remain a despised minority for some of the country's demographics.

"Listen, thin looks good on a lot of things, but patience is not one of them," groused Instinct Magazine in a June 24 article. "Readers, reporters, equality-minded Senators, and, especially, New York's LGBT population are encumbered with fatigue by the NY GOP's inability to bring marriage equality to a vote."

It's into this highly charged environment that fraught individuals from both sides are injecting flammable, offensive postings, each attacking the other side by leaving crude and vile messages at online forums.

The Associated Press reported June 23 on how web pages run by New York's Catholic Church were inundated with insulting comments, prompting the commentary sections of those pages to be disabled.

The article noted that one polarizing figure in the New York Catholic community, Archbishop Timothy Dolan, has made use of a standard brand of anti-gay rhetoric, claiming to "love" the "sinners" even as he detests the "sin" of gay couples wishing to solemnize their relationships.

"He's been one of the targets of cyber abuse and vulgarities prompted the banning of some commenters on the Catholic Church's Facebook and Twitter pages," the AP article said.

But while anti-gay pundits may well seize on comments insulting the Virgin Mary and other aspects of the Catholic faith tradition as proof positive that gays are wild and uncivilized, supporters of marriage equality are getting their share of online abuse from marriage equality supports, the article noted, citing offensive messages directed at Democratic State Sen. Diane Savino.

The article noted that one posting left on the Church's Facebook page "said the Catholic Church only approves of marriages 'that produce altar boys to be molested.' "

"Our unofficial Facebook policy is not to automatically delete comments that disagree with us, but when the comments come into untruths or uncharitable, then we have to delete them," said New York State Catholic Conference spokesperson Dennis Poust said. "And when it really becomes abusive we have to ban them."

Added the spokesperson, "The tension has really reached a fever pitch for some people.... I'm sure there are certain unstable members of both sides who are prone to excess."

The Majority Leader of the state senate, Dean Skelos, had to take similar steps with his own Facebook page. A spokesperson for Skelos said, "The vast majority of the comments were fine," but added, "Some had gotten increasingly over the top" as tension over the issue increased.

Savino said that she'd seen "some pretty disgusting things" aimed at marriage supporters like herself. "If you are opposed, I respect that," Savino told the press. "What I can't tolerate is people using abusive or homophobic behavior aimed at me or my staff."

The article went on to note that in the real world, opposed demonstrators keeping vigil at the statehouse in Albany were getting less respectful as well, with hymns giving way to tart, rhyming chants.

Lawmakers seemingly have stayed above the fray. Gov. Cuomo was unfazed by Republican lawmakers seeking specific protections for groups that oppose gay families being able to wed, and fear that they will be subjected to lawsuits if they abide by their faith and deny same-sex couples facilities or services for their weddings or, in the case of religious adoption charities, be forced either to observe laws banning discrimination, or else stop brokering adoptions altogether, rather than be forced to place a needy child in a loving home headed by two adults of the same gender.

"I'm pro-marriage equality, I'm also pro-First Amendment, I'm pro-church-state separation and I'm pro-religious freedom," Cuomo told the media on June 22. "So I also have the same concern."

Two Republicans state senators have reportedly sided with marriage equality proponents on the issue, which, if true, would give the measure just enough votes to squeak through the state senate. But two more are said to remain undecided.

No matter which way a vote ultimately goes -- or even if there is no vote, and the measure dies -- online venting is almost certainly going to result. When that happens, pundits from the winning side are likely to be watching, and waiting, for the juiciest, angriest sound bites with which to generalize about and smear their opposition.