Marriage remains goal for California couple

Gay Marriage in NY, What does this mean elsewhere?

As that state celebrates gay marriage, EDGE sat down with David Rohloff and Joe Rivera, an engaged gay couple in San Francisco to see what this means for their desire to get married. The young couple share their perspective on gay marriage, the ongoing journey and quest to be equal. We last spoke with them back when Prop 8 was getting positive momentum in California. We wanted to catch up with them again and get their thoughts on the recent events.

A devastating experience

EDGE: So gay marriage is legal in NY, how amazing, did you think it would happen? �

David:�We are so excited for New York! It is a major victory for every same sex couple everywhere who wants to get married. It also sends a message to GLBT youth that "it gets better" and it just got better in New York.

EDGE:�Tell us your story, last we talked with you, it was when PROP 8 was being voted on in California, you had wanted to finally get married legally in California. Are you married yet? �

David:�Unfortunately, no. When Prop 8 was ruled unconstitutional by Judge Vaughn Walker, we raced to plan a marriage in 4 days, knowing that his ruling could be overturned or stayed. We weren't fast enough. Judge Walker issued the stay on his decision. We got the news as we were driving back from picking up our wedding attire. All of the food had been ordered, including the cake and friends had made travel plans to be here with us. To say we were disappointed is a severe understatement. It took weeks to recover and it still brings tears to my eyes even now talking about it.

Joe: To be so close to celebrating the love we share with everyone that is dear to us only to have it stopped was devastating. We got to see (and feel) what heterosexual couples enjoy when even planning their special day, but we were cut short by the stay.

Their journey

EDGE:�Tell us about your journey through attempted marriage, what options have you considered? �

David:�This past spring, we had another idea. We thought that if we couldn't legally get married here in California, we should go somewhere where it was legal. Why not spend our wedding dollars in a place where we are welcome and EQUAL. Apparently California doesn't seem to want our money because our economy is doing so well...ahem. We have great friends in London that offered their home to us to use as a place to have the ceremony and the reception. We sped down the path, calling our parents and friends and looking at travel options. The itinerary was set and 24 people had committed to the destination wedding. Then we learned that in London there is a 21 day residency requirement. We could not afford to take a 3 week vacation in London, let alone take that much time off from our jobs. Another stop sign.

�Joe:�After round two, we were even more frustrated. Getting everyone excited and planning only to again say we can't. Then we did further research on residency to learn that only Mexico, Canada and the 5 states in the US don't have residency requirements. Again, we were fortunate to have a friend in Vancouver who offered her home to us. But round three has to be it! �We cannot go through this a third time only to tell people it's not happening again. So we will wait and consider these 7 (now 8 - thank you New York) options, but we aren't announcing anything until we are completely sure that we have a definitive plan that will be legal somewhere.�

Their perfect wedding

EDGE:�Deep down, tell us what your heart feels about marriage and why political events are so hurtful to love - except for New York of course.

Joe: We love each other no matter what - whether we are married or not. I have always thought of a wedding as just another day in the life of a relationship, but it's a pretty important day. When you can profess your love for one another surrounded by your family and friends it's a beautiful, amazing and powerful thing.

David: But it's not all about a wedding. There are the facts of life that you have to think about. You want to be sure that your life partner can visit you in the hospital if need be. They need to be the one to make decisions about medical care in case of an emergency. They need to have access to your financial assets if either one of you were to pass. We want to know that there would not have to be a legal battle over property that is OURS not just mine or his.

Joe: In California, we have Domestic Partnership, which makes it possible for us to share employment heath coverage and it makes us liable for each other's debt. It's funny, we can be liable for each other's debt, but are not guaranteed any of the benefits.

EDGE:�What would be your perfect wedding?

David: It would have been the one we planned in four days, but couldn't have. When you plan something like that with no time, there's a spontaneity and a light heartedness to it. You have to say to yourself, it will be what it is and it will be perfect in every way. It won't be fancy and there won't be printed invitations, but we will have each other and all of our friends and loved ones and that's all that matters anyway.�

EDGE:�What is next for you? Are you going to New York to get married? �

Joe: We will get married and we will get married within the next year. We don't know where yet, but New York is pretty nice in the spring!

David: Congratulations New York and we commend the Republicans that stood on the right side of equality. Not a safe political move, but when we look back 25 years from now, they will be heroes to this movement.