Summer Houseguest Rules 101

I love my friends. I love the idea of having my friends come to Fire Island and stay with us. Too often, at the end of the visit I am exhausted and cranky. Why is that? Does that happen to you? Do you think your guests are cranky too, when they leave? Or did they have a good time? Did they know that you were cranky?

There are a few things that I have learned which helps me to manage this experience so that I am less cranky at visit's end.

Houseguests are NEVER invited for more than three nights. This is non-negotiable except for maybe your mother and a favorite grown child.

I prefer that my houseguests arrive right after lunch. That way, I can have my morning. My morning routine is sacred. I drink coffee, I work. I either walk or play tennis and I get my house in order. On a good day, I can accomplish most of this by 11 a.m. In our house, the day is mostly over by 11 a.m. That is because we start at an hour that most would consider ungodly.

So if our guests arrive after lunch, I am ready to receive them. I am happy to see them. We can recreate in the afternoon and move right in to a glass of wine and dinner. On day one of a visit, because I have had the luxury of morning, we can stay in for dinner. I would have set the table, prepared some food in advance and set out the plan so everyone is on board.

You can see why an after lunch arrival really works for me. So far, as the hosts you only need to think about having food for one meal.

Assuming you all had a lovely evening, day two will dawn brightly and my guests will know me well enough not to join me for my morning coffee. I have too much to do! After all, all those dirty clothes from the prior days recreation are yearning to be washed, there is the morning tidying up to do and for us, a days work fit in, before we can turn out attention to our guests.

A good guest will know your morning routine and occupy themselves. They can get themselves down to the market, get a coffee and a paper and take up residence on a lovely water front bench.

The outline of the day for day two and day three of a visit will vary, of course, depending on your routines. Within the context of these general conditions for our guests, what follows is a set of suggestions for assuring that your guests' departure is not more welcome than their arrival.

Too often at a visit's end, it feels like the marauders just left. Prior to your guests' arrival, you too may have thought that having guests was a good idea.

Having thoughtful guests is a good idea. Sometimes people need to be encouraged to be thoughtful. To that end the following action steps will provide some of the basic procedures for the thoughtful guest. Adhering to these steps will help to assure a pleasant visit for everyone and perhaps another invitation.

A Fire Island Guest List Primer

Make all you own arrangements for getting here. Check out the ferry schedule, the train schedule and be sure you know about the parking situation should you decide to drive to the ferry terminal. Your host is not responsible for setting these things up for you.

Never arrive on any boat other than the one your host told you to arrive on. DO NOT COME EARLY: Conversely, if you really want to be invited back, leave on an earlier boat.

BRING FOOD and WINE: Never, ever, come without provisions. The more laden you are with coolers and boxes of food, the more likely it is that you will be re-invited. Fruits and vegetables are high priority items.

BRING YOUR OWN TOWELS: There is no room for discussion about this in our house. In addition, make sure your wet towels are always hung somewhere to dry. If you even think about putting a wet towel down on a bed or on a piece of furniture in our house... well that is the end of Fire Island for you, until you can get your own house.

Each afternoon of your Fire Island visit, DISAPPEAR for at least an hour preferably two. Go to the beach, take a nap, do whatever you need to do to give your hosts a break.

MAKE DINNER RESERVATIONS for everyone at least one evening that you are here. And pay.

Do not wait to be asked; just do what needs to be done. The best house guest is a WORKING HOUSE GUEST.

MAKE YOUR BED: This is also non-negotiable.

WALK THE DOG: Don't wait to be asked... just do it.

SEND A THANK YOU GIFT TO FIRE ISLAND: Send it via the ferry and call the ferry company your self to determine exactly how that is accomplished. Gift suggestions include flower pots, kitchen knives, beach towels, a case of wine, beach chairs or umbrella, specialty spices, gift certificates for Fire Island restaurants, stores or services.

If you follow steps 1 - 10, you may qualify as a thoughtful guest... and be invited back another time. But there are no guarantees.