October 30, 2011
Santorum Rickets and Other Dreaded Diseases
Mickey Weems READ TIME: 2 MIN.
Santorum Rickets: Type of ass rabies where the victim froths at the sphincter after dumping on The Gays.
Bachmann Overdrive: A woman's hypersexual yet unfulfilled cravings resulting from marriage to a closeted homosexual man. Primary syndromes are crazy-eyes and a tendency to make shit up on the spot.
Romneysia: Severe memory loss suffered by former friends of the LGBT community when they decide to run for president.
Gingr Itch: Genital rash that causes a man to cheat on his wife, then divorce her. Then he does the same thing again, but believes that's okay because at least he's not leaving her for a rentboy. Possible causes: trauma from parents naming the victim after a newt.
Butt Caincer: Chronic condition affecting the reasoning and speech areas of the male brain due to the victim's head being too far up his ass. Symptoms include wandering hands, demanding scientific evidence only when dealing with sexual orientation, babbling incoherently about the number nine and stammering, "Ubeki-beki-beki-becki-stan-stan!" If left untreated, victim's brain will shrink to the size of a black walnut.
Perry Rickets: Advanced ass rabies caused by spending too much time in a closet.
Log Cabin Fever: Tragic condition where known homosexuals support a political party that not only doesn't give a damn about them, it actually seeks to strip them of all rights and dignity. Quarantine from the rest of the LGBT community is highly recommended as to prevent the administration of a bitch-slap to the victim by angry drag personnel.
Update: The Cain Train and Sexual Dysfunction
Herman Cain is NOT a pervy wanker! The following quote from Cain proves that sexual harassment lawsuits against him are false:
"When people get on the Cain Train, they don't get off."
Herman Cain is not just anti-Gay, he's also anti-orgasm. Or he's just one lousy fuck. So if you want to get off, look elsewhere in the GOP, like Scott "Cosmo Nude Model" Brown or Sarah "Locked and Cocked Cougar" Palin.
Dr. Mickey Weems is a folklorist, anthropologist and scholar of religion/sexuality studies. He has just published The Fierce Tribe, a book combining intellectual insight about Circuit parties with pictures of Circuit hotties. Mickey and his husband Kevin Mason are coordinators for Qualia, a not-for-profit conference and festival dedicated to Gay folklife. Dr. Weems may be reached at [email protected]
