Guest Opinion: My short film helped me heal

On March 9, 2023, I was sexually assaulted by an accused serial rapist. My name is Marc Huestis, and I am 70 years old.

From 1975 through 2020 I lived in San Francisco. For many of those years I was the slut of all time and did crystal meth for over two decades. In 2008, I became clean. It was also hard for me to have sex without being high, so I was basically celibate.

In 2020 during the height of COVID, like many older gay men, I moved to Palm Springs. After the COVID coast was clear in 2022, a friend suggested I check out Grindr and Scruff to alleviate my loneliness and again become a sexual being.

So, I tried it, and had a few successful hookups.

In 2023, I saw a decent looking man in his 50s on Grindr. His profile picture had him smiling and hugging his dog. Sweet. I "cruised" him and he answered me right away.

The encounter started innocently enough then quickly devolved. Without my consent he gave me a huge booty bump – a massive anal infusion of crystal.

I have never been so high in my life.

He then proceeded to bruise, cut, burn, and rape me. When the violence became unbearable, I begged him to stop. He slapped me in the face and shouted “shut up.” Then he became even more violent.

After many hours I finally got him to leave. Afterward, I felt overwhelming feelings of guilt and shame. I told hardly anyone, and did not report it to the police. I fell into a deep depression. I hated myself. All common reactions to rape.

But then a miracle of nature occurred. Outside my window I noticed a small hummingbird nest. I watched as the two eggs hatched.

After a filmmaking hiatus of 28 years, I decided to pick up my camera and film them as they grew and then finally took flight. These nestlings and their nurturing mom saved my life. They gave me a reason to live.

Several months later, after they left the nest, I scrolled my feed on Facebook and I noticed an article about an alleged Palm Springs serial rapist who had just been arrested.

I was shocked. That was him. The very same man who had brutally assaulted me. It was then when I realized mine was not an isolated incident. I reported my own assault to the police.

I've heard 20 men have stories of sexual assault by this perpetrator. Seven, including me, came forward to the authorities. He is also suspected of one murder.

The accused rapist is now being held on $1 million bail, and two and half years later he has yet to go to trial. I don't feel vengeful, but I hope he receives justice.

I sat on my hummingbird footage for over two years. This assault was too painful for me to revisit. But with my alleged assaulter behind bars, I finally got up the strength to make a short film about it. I titled it “Baby Hummingbirds,” inspired by the brave assault episode in “Baby Reindeer.”

My film evolved from a story of repulsion into redemption. And believe it or not, it ends on an optimistic note. The last line is a quote from Carrie Fisher –“Take your broken heart and turn it into art.”

On a personal note, since the assault, I am no longer on Grindr and basically stopped having sex. At 70, it was harder to find partners anyway and I’m not the husband type.

Recently, we have been inundated anew with the Jeffrey Epstein story, and his cruel history of systematic sexual assaults. I deeply empathize with the victims. But these experiences are not limited to girls and women. It has been suggested that at least one in six men have been sexually abused or assaulted. Gay men represent a large part of these statistics. Our stories need to be heard. Yet, they are a deep dark secret in the gay community, barely discussed.

Vulnerable older gay men are often targets of these attacks. Particularly in places like Palm Springs, where there is a large, lonely retired community, we can be sitting ducks ripe for elder abuse.

Silence=Death. Through “Baby Hummingbirds” I decided to come forward to shed light on this issue. So far, I have privately shared the film with some of my friends. Many have messaged me with moving stories recounting their own very personal accounts of assault and drug usage. They are deeply poignant and reinforce the power of film. 

And “Baby Hummingbirds” is finally seeing the light, showing to larger audiences at several film festivals. I’m excited that it will have its San Francisco theatrical premiere this weekend. It also will be seen in Mexico City, Chicago, and Palm Springs.

My therapist reminds me that even if no one sees the film, creating it should have been a personal catharsis. I push back and say what's the point of making art if no one sees it. Now people will.

If it affects even one person with similar stories and makes them feel less alone, I will have done my job. That is my pride.

“Baby Hummingbirds” screens Sunday, August 24, at 1 p.m. at the Roxie Theater, 3117 16th Street, as part of the SF Queer Film Festival. For more information about Marc Huestis and his other work, visit www.marchuestispresents.com .