August 3, 2014
How Having A Cat Can Be Like Dating A Femme
Kilian Melloy READ TIME: 2 MIN.
Instant Social Media Content:
Having a new femme or cat in your life is a built-in excuse to take a lot more selfies and "couples" photos.
Sit back and revel in the bump in your Instagram likes, now with an added "awww" factor. You will see other people's cat and femme photos and automatically decide that your cat and femme is ten times cuter.
Hair Everywhere:
Literally everywhere... On your pillow... On your clothes... In your drawers... Femmes and cats have a tendency to shed their luxurious manes. Expect to find hair in the strangest of places, even when you haven't seen either for days. To get through the "ick" factor, consider it a way to have them with you at all times. Don't attempt to lint roll said hair away; the action just causes it to multiply.
Early Morning Disturbances:
Being with a cat or a femme sometimes means being awakened at 5 a.m. Whether it is your lovely femme painstakingly applying liquid eyeliner in the wee hours of the morning, or your cat plotting the most effective way to climb the curtains, whatever the task may be, it'll be louder and more involved than you ever thought possible. Just accept your fate and that you will forever be attempting to sleep through their early morning grooming sessions.
Your Bed Is No Longer Your Own:
Prepare to contort your body around the location your cat or femme has chosen as "their spot" on the bed. This spot will no doubt be the most inconvenient for you, but you won't be able to muster the motivation to move their snuggly bodies.
Your Clothes = Her Clothes:
Femme: Your favorite shirt is now her shirt. She wears it to bed and while the two of you binge-watch Orange Is The New Black.
Cat: Your favorite shirt is now her favorite bed. She burrows into it while you're trying to fold laundry and refuses to move.
Either way, resign yourself to the fact that it was your shirt and just isn't any longer.
R-E-S-P-E-C-T:
Cats were worshipped in ancient Egypt and no cat will ever let you forget this. Femmes are worshipped in some segments of the queer scene and relish in it. Both operate with a quiet confidence, demanding respect for being the goddesses that they are.
* Each cat and femme are individuals, so experiences may vary.
Kilian Melloy serves as EDGE Media Network's Associate Arts Editor and Staff Contributor. His professional memberships include the National Lesbian & Gay Journalists Association, the Boston Online Film Critics Association, The Gay and Lesbian Entertainment Critics Association, and the Boston Theater Critics Association's Elliot Norton Awards Committee.
