Living Positive :: Taking Pride in Who You Are

I always wanted to go to Pride events growing up. Mostly, because I wanted to be surrounded by others like me... That was the whole point, right? I would always try and plan my life around making it to a Pride parade or event each year, because really, that was the one time each year I felt I fit in and I would be welcomed by others like me. I think that's why most go to Pride events, to feel included, a part of something bigger than just you and to have a sense of belonging.

What I quickly learned was that Pride did provide all of those things, but it could also be a very exclusionary time, as well. Just because I was gay didn't mean that I was instantly connected with everyone around me, or that I would be accepted solely for the fact that I too, liked a person of the same sex. Attending Pride was a life lesson as a young man, one that led to disappointment and heartache.

When I first learned about my HIV-positive status, I immediately wanted to turn to my community, because I assumed they would be the ones who understood me the most, and the ones who would want to be there for me. But, just like my first Pride events, I quickly learned that those three letters associated with me didn't give me any sort of sympathy from the majority of those I surrounded myself with. Actually, I was more of an outsider within my own community. Pride was already enough of a mental trauma, feeling like I didn't fit in all the time and now I had to add three letters into the mix - which, in the beginning, I wasn't very thrilled about.

This isn't meant to read as a tale of suffrage within my own community, but instead, more of a reality-check. As a young person, I expected so much and
as I grew up, I learned that we are all different and it's okay not to fit in all the time. We've come a long way since my first Prides and my firsts as an HIV-positive man, about seven years ago. It appears that we are now taking control of our sexual health and being more open about who we are. With the introduction of PrEP, what we use to refer to as "being safe" when it came to sex has come to mean something totally different. Being safe now comes with options, and more open minds.

I've evolved into a person who is proud of who I am and who I have become and that includes being proud of knowing my status... and good self-care. For me, being safe, comes in the form of treatment as prevention. I take my medicine, go to the doctor for routine checkups and take care of myself. I don't hide the fact that I am HIV-positive, because I don't feel like I need to anymore. Isn't that something to be prideful about?

Pride is about accepting who we are, all of who we are. I'm proud to be a gay man, and I am proud that I am no longer hiding my HIV status. We've evolved so much as a community and as a people. And, this year, in light of all the madness that's occurring, now is the time to truly come together and accept each other for who we each are. In the end, we are all just people, people with a few commonalities, and those commonalities are what make us who we are. We should celebrate those common traits, but also celebrate each individual trait that make each and
every one of us so different and unique.