December 20, 2020
3-Men & Their Babies – California 'Throuple' Open Up Ahead of Book
READ TIME: 3 MIN.
History was made in 2017 when three California men – Doctor Ian Jenkins, 45, and his partners Alan Mayfield and Jeremy Allen Hodges – "when a judge agreed to put them all on the birth certificate of daughter Piper, now 3, paving the way for other polyamorous families to gain greater legal recognition in the US.," reports the Daily Mail.
The throuple now has a 14-month-old son, Parker. The children are half-siblings born using an egg donor and a surrogate.
Ian and Alan have been together for 17 years; Jeremy joined them in the throuple eight years ago. Jeremy is known to the children as 'daddy', while Alan is 'dada' and Ian is 'papa,' adds the Daily Mail.
Despite their unique relationship, Jenkins (a university professor and a specialist in hospital medicine) says they are "just three tame, regular people who spend a lot of time talking about what to have for dinner."
The throuple are going public about their relationship ahead of the publication of their book "Three Dads and a Baby," due out next March. The book "tells the story of their unusual family as well as offering tips, including how to develop a 'consistent parenting style,'" writes the DM.
"It also gives advice on what to do when your child prefers daddy over dada or papa, as well as the positive sides like three incomes and three people doing night feeds."
They also address thornier issues such as if their children would be viewed differently by others. "We didn't want them to become a target of teasing or bullying or online abuse," Jenkins told the Huffington Post.
So far, though, such worries have been unfounded. "We've had zero pushback from anyone in our professional and personal lives," Jenkins told the HP. "Our oldest now is in preschool, and the other parents and kids are like, 'Cool! Tell us that story.'"
Their story, though, was fraught with legal issues. While the process in California, Jenkins said, usually is quick; but in their case, the judge withheld ruling because it had never been done in the state. "She said you're going to have to have a law passed or appeal," he recalled. "I was like, 'I just want a kid ? I don't want a legal battle.' It was like ice water being thrown on us."
The throuple, led by 'mama bear' Alan, gave the judge an emotional pitch that convinced her otherwise. "We all gave very tearful testimonies about why we needed to become parents. You could see the emotion on the judge's face. She looked at all the options in front of her and found a way to use existing laws to give us the first birth certificate of its kind anywhere."
It was an emotional moment for everyone, including their families, who had been at the hearing as well. "If you've ever seen a courtroom drama where the innocent person gets off at the end. It was like that."
But, as Jenkins points out, the family isn't much different than any other. "We're just three tame, regular people who spend a lot of time talking about what to have for dinner," Jenkins told the HP. "After the first few minutes of meeting us, people realize that." But there are three incomes and three people to share the duties, the sleeplessness, the joys and the big questions."
One reason for writing the book was to raise awareness of throuples' legal issues with parenting rights. Ian, the DM reports, "wants to raise awareness of the need for more legal rights for polyamorous families. Adding that they are lucky to be in "a 'liberal' state like California because some US states were 'brutal' towards granting legal protections, like birth certificates, to polyamorous couples."
"I really worry about someone who lives somewhere that's not as accepting as California and wants to live this kind of life and can't move," he said.
"Some states are just brutal. They make every effort to impair parenting by nontraditional families and are really unhelpful. I'm hoping this starts the wheels turning that families come in lots of different arrangements."