Cruising To Croatia (FringeNYC)

If only The Marx Brothers were still alive and working. They're needed; or Mel Brooks craziness as a play doctor, but his services are not in the budget of a fringe Festival show. Peter Mikochik's Cruising To Croatia wants to be a wacky, irreverent, fast-paced comedy with elements of slapstick. But its characters feel slow and seem a bit furious in the whiny, nasty way. It feels tired and labored too much of the time. What might be spunky and politically incorrect fun comes off as a shade rude and harsh. I think it has some good ideas and bits and pieces that click; but the potential in the writing isn't well served by this particular group of performers working in the Fringe Festival production. It might work with an overhaul -- a new cast and a director that can find ways to make the characters more likeable and eccentric.

Almost the whole story takes place on the ship cruising to Croatia. Early on, we're introduced to two blind men who are friends. (The characters return from a series of scripted pieces Mikochik has developed earlier.) As they interact, they're as faded and dull as what they wear: blue jeans and T-shirts that look like they've been slept in all week. There's a little more ooomph when they do a musical number -- an old-style song and dance using their guide sticks in traditional hat-and-cane vaudeville steps.

One of the guys thinks he's in love with a woman he "talks" to online but never met and wants to (I can't recall if there was a joke about a "blind" date, but it seems like that would be used and re-used.) When he learns she's in Croatia, they decide to go. With no money and no tickets, they pass themselves of as just-hired musicians and manage to get on board. (The running joke they do use is that everyone will -- and does -- say that "blind musicians are hip" and not ask questions.)

There's no scenery in this Fringe Production, and not much in the way of costuming -- the captain, at least, is in an appropriate hat and what suggests crisp whites. Her personality is even more crisp--- she's a tightass running a tight ship. She doesn't want help from anyone, especially a blind man who seems to know about a problem with the engine. Another woman along for the ride is a self-centered selfish woman who is also love-starved (except for the love she lavishes on herself). She also seems to be a doctor when that comes in handy for the plot.

What's unique about this production is that its non-P.C. humor about blindness comes from interesting sources. It was produced by Mikochik, who not only wrote the script but some of the songs and is blind. The director (Pamela Sabaugh) is visually impaired. The two blind characters are played by sighted actors, but blind actors are playing sighted characters, which is not obvious. Interestingly, this is explained in the press materials, but NOT discussed in the program that all other audience members get.

Mikochik is at the center of things as one of two on-stage musicians (his partner is George Ashiotis). They accompany the songs, doubling as the ship's band, and sing as well. They are joined by the two blind men, who are nervous that they won't get away with their ruse as they have no musical talent, they say. It's typical of this kind of show that no one blinks when one says his instrument is air guitar and he mimes playing guitar like a teenaged kid in his room dreaming of being a rock star and miming).

Songs have some nice ideas, but become repetitious and are simple where they need to have flair. Typical lyric: "Look, look, look into my world. look, look, look into my world. Look into my world, and I'll look into your world." And yes, that gets repeated. Some of the melodies are pretty and would work better with more interesting lyrics that would advance the plot or be funnier if this is to be the kind of farce I think it's aiming for. Sometimes the songs feel unfinished, for instance one lyric says "Take my hand. Don't say goodnight." But there's no pay-off. False rhymes and mis-accents are rampant. Another major problem is that the established characters/personalities don't always match their singing voices.

If the plot twist -- who is mysterious un-met Croatian woman? -- is was meant to be a surprise, it is painfully obvious from the first scene and we're just waiting for the two men to catch on, inevitably. So why does it matter if a rich Texan is also exchanging Internet love words with her?

Yes, there are some ideas from classic farce, but what should be lighter than air is heavy-handed and, I'm sorry to say, sinks this ship. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I can't recommend it or be encouraged that it will improve enough after the early performance I saw. I was bored by what was shipboard, despite the intriguing and admirable concept of using differently-abled actors in this way. I wouldn't emphasize a request for an S.O.S. if I thought it was hopeless. There are some good ideas and lines and melodies floating amidst the flotsam and jetsam.